Saturday, September 19, 2015

New Every Morning


"It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23



Whew! What a week. At the moment I can't remember when I experienced one so trying. I feel like I'm going all Anne of Green Gables dramatic right now, but this week is one I would care not to repeat. The week has been an emotional roller coaster, and several situations exploded at the same time. For me personally, none of it was super bad, just overwhelming all at once. Despite the emotional and mental toll, it has been a grand learning experience.
I am now in my fourth year of teaching preschool. The first year was a challenge because it was my first time to teach. I had spent 4 years preparing for elementary education only to be thrown into preschool. It took that year to have an idea of what is expected in such an environment. Year 2 allowed me to put it into practice. Year 3 I switched schools and went an age level down. I now teach 3 year olds as opposed to 4&5's. You wouldn't think a year difference would be a big deal, but trust me, as I was warned, it does. Though challenging, I came to love it. I was excited entering into this year, and truthfully I still am. However, this class has another set of new challenges. I really don't wanted to broadcast specifics on the internet, so bear with me. The first month is always hard because many of my students have never been in school before. It takes a while for them to go with the flow and fall into routine. Mix this with unforeseen challenges, it takes a toll.
Here over the weekend, I struggled to keep up with my weekend job. Each time I thought I was catching up, I seemed to slip further behind. Then the inner struggle began. The kind where I battle covetousness and entitlement all the while knowing how wrong it is.
Basically all week I have felt like a failure. 
A failure as a teacher, an employee, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a Christian. Yet all week the Lord kept bringing this verse in Lamentations to mind. It kept me going each day. It even allowed me to have  a couple good days amidst the chaos. His mercies are new every morning. No matter how bad a day or perhaps just a moment may be, His mercies will be new. Each rising sun is a blank slate on a new day. A new day to learn from my mistakes. A new day to practice patience, try a new method, say a kind word, ask for forgiveness, try again, read and cherish His Word. It's a chance to invest in someone else instead a wallowing in self-pity. It is a chance to see the good that's been progressing while I've been absorbed with the bad.
As I pondered writing this post, I thought about how I have been reading through Job in my morning devotions. Without realizing it, my week seems to have been a test. Granted, my family didn't die nor did I lose everything I owned. Nothing was as bad as Job experienced, but my faith was tested. I can't say I had a good attitude in all of these situations, but I kept coming back to this truth found in Job 19:25-27:
"For I know that my Redeemer lives, and that He shall stand at the latter day upon the earth: And though after my skin is destroyed, yet in my flesh I shall see God. Whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another, though my heart be consumed within me."
What reassurance! The trials of this week won't be the last I ever experience. Some days may be worse and probably will be. Yet, the God of all Creation is on my side. His power is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Cor. 2:19) I never have to suffer through any of this hurt, trial and tribulation alone. The problem is I have to be willing to give it over to Him first. I seem to want to handle it all on my own, but I can't. Instead of relinquishing control, I fret over the fact that I can't by myself. This is when the feeling of failure take hold and consume me. When I give it to Him, His compassions consume me, and His new mercies are present for me to see.
I know I am a sinner and come short of His glory (Rom 3:23). He knows I am not perfect, yet He still loves me and gives more grace. When I reflect on these many verses, it is hard to stay bitter, angry or hurt. The more I think about it, I become grateful for the teachings of my parents, grandparents, teachers and church leaders who have been a part of my Bible memory and teaching experiences. To go through this life without God and His Word would prove more than I could bear. Counting my blessings really does feel my heart with joy, and all the struggles from the past week begin to fade away.
The passage in Lamentations goes onto say:
"The Lord is my portion, says my soul; therefore will I hope in Him. The Lord is good to them that seek Him, to the soul that waits on Him."
I don't have to have it all together all the time and do it all, all by myself. I need to look to Him. Gain strength from Him to face the day. To seek wisdom from Him, strength for the day, guidance for the path, and the rest will fall into place in His own perfect timing.
 Here's to better days and new mercies every morning at the start of a brand new week!