Balance is one of those things that has never come easy to me. I am clumsy by nature, so things like riding a bike, walking on the little balance beam in gym class and other such things have taken me longer than my peers. Really, it is something to look back and laugh on, but the kind of balance I am really talking about is not so easily acquired.
These college years have been great, but boy have I learned a thing or two about balance. There's homework, Christian service, school activities, work, classes, new friends, the list just goes on and on, but then there's that keeping in touch with those you left behind. I knew coming in that some people were going to move on with their life and we would just lose touch as happened with some childhood friends. It is the wheel of the world so to speak, but I had the list of friends I wanted to remain close with.
Then it happens, career opportunities, college for some, new friends, and the infamous significant other. It just messes the balance of things up all over again. I have struggled with trying to find my place with those special people in my life after the wild shuffle. With some it was a rocky start, but we made it work, with others it was more painful.
Then I start the pity party. I feel bad for myself. Jealousy and bitterness began choking me like a weed. Of course I blamed it on the other party and acted as if I would be fine if only some attention were brought to myself. I finally threw my hands in the air, and said so be it, this is life, I am moving on and not looking back.
This has happened before. People come and people go, life moves on, I find a new balance and everything is okay again. This time things were different. This time I was letting my emotions get the better of me, and I had no peace. Finally the Lord intervened. I know He has been working on me for a long time, but it came to the point where the rubber meets the road.
When I reached the end of the rope, I had a friend who reminded me that the Lord has never given up on me. Sure I turn my back on Him many times....maybe even a day with my sin, yet He still loves me. She was right, I am so glad that the Lord does not give up on me. This stuck with me, and so did the chapel message that day, an e-mail from my aunt, a phone call with another friend and my mom. The Lord spoke and I knew I needed to seek forgiveness. To restore the balance.
I picture myself on a seesaw. Here, I pile things up and I sink lower and lower. All I want is for things to balance out on my terms, but this is not how life works. I need to let go of what I want. Give my burdens to the Lord, and balance will be restored as He sees fit.
Life is not about me, it's about others.My selfish wants weigh me down, but letting go lifts me to the level where I can care about others. So today, though I feel awful with a cold, I felt like a new person. Burdens have been lifted, and the balance is restored. There is still room for healing, but I am no longer weighed down. I look forward to new beginnings and wonderful things to come. :)
