Friday, May 25, 2012

Growing Beautifully

I was trying to decide what I wanted to write about. I have a lot on my mind, but nothing particularly inspiring came to mind. Then I remembered the title I came up with for my blog. Invitation to grow beautifully....this is what God has invited me to do.
Lately, my family and the neighbors around have been planting flowers for the summer. It sure is a messy task. Wheelbarrows and tools are scattered over the yard. Hands and feed are covered in mud and dirt. Weeds have been pulled, but after it is all said and done, beautiful plants begin to grow. The care does not stop there though. Each night, my mom must go out and water the plants. Weeds will still continue to grow, so we will continue to pull weeds. Next summer, the whole process will begin again. I guess life is a little like this.
I have graduated from college, and after some messy reworking, I have been planted back here at home. Right now the weeds of doubt and uncertainty are beginning to grow. I feel left behind in some areas of life and depressed that I am still job hunting. The weeds of depression, self-pity, self-reliance, and discontentment threaten to choke the beautiful flower God wants me to be.
However, it does not have to be that way. Each day I am showered with encouragement from family and friends who let me know I am loved and supported. The warm light of God's love reassures me that I am never alone. All of this uncertainty for the future is scary, but at the end of the day, God is in control. I still do not know what is next for me, but I can still grow beautifully. It may be messy, but what an awesome adventure it is. I have already made many memories I shall treasure forever this summer. I do not need to wallow in self doubt and pity. Rather I will drink in the waters of encouragement and soak up the light of love from my Heavenly Father.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Time Capsule

       This last semester at college was a pretty amazing experience, and I know I will never forget the incredible student teaching experience as I long as I live. However, I did go through some personal experiences during this time that provided bumps in the road. I have come to realize that life is unpredictable, but whether it be a smooth, bumpy or combination of the two kind of ride....life is beautiful.
        I celebrated my birthday in March and 2 days later, my grandfather died. My family has been expecting it for some time, but I still grieved nonetheless. My parents had come to see me the weekend before, and brought home many of my things. About 2 weeks later, my wonderful cousin came and got me so I could be home for the funeral. At this point, I brought home more things. I was only home for about a day. Here I stood in my bedroom full of the few things I brought home and knowing I had a lot more coming back.
      I returned to school and finished up my semester. (Graduation was a blast by the way!) Anyway, I almost felt nauseated about all I was bringing home to fit in my room. I knew I had a major clean up project ahead of me. I dove right in and began filling up boxes for Goodwill and trash bags for the trash. I can only pray this experience has forever cured me of my hoarding problem I obviously suffered from when I was younger. Now I have a decently organized room that has been rearranged for the first time ever. I love it!
       Many of the things I came across brought back all sorts of memories. Happy, sad, painful, exciting and everything in between. One particular find was a journal. I was flipping through the pages of poems, song lyrics and other random things I had written in it. Then I found this journal entry I wrote about the last five years of my life. At that time I had been reflecting on the journey God brought me through after my first school closed. For a long time it haunted my thoughts. I believe this entry began the time when I started letting go of the past, and just started being thankful for the present and looking forward to the future. The most ironic thing about this entry was that it was written almost exactly 5 years ago from this date. I soon found myself writing about the past 5 years, so who knows, maybe this will become a tradition. Anyway, though many things have changed, I am so thankful for all the blessings God has given me. He is my constant in this ever changing world.
     I don't know what is next for me, but I am so excited about the possibilities. I kept of few reminders of the past, but I am still thankful for the present and so looking forward to the future. Life just keeps getting better with the hand of God leading me.