I must say I am so grateful the Lord brought about the tutoring job because that is how everything started. I enjoyed being able to solely focus upon a career in teaching and working with children because that is where my heart lies. However, the tutoring was challenging and I admittedly got frustrated quite often. It proved to be a great training in patience and understanding. It took me a very long time to learn these lessons, and I am sure I haven't learned all there is to learn about handling these situations. These last 6 weeks have altered my perspective greatly.
It hit me that the reason I was struggling with teaching these precious children is I do not share their perspective on life. Going in I realized that they would be coming from completely different backgrounds, but I guess I never stopped to think just how different. Different doesn't have to be a bad thing, but different leads to different feelings, different thoughts, different reactions and the list goes on. The way I was trained on how to deal with things growing up did not match how my students deal with things. Thus the conflict and frustration.
My desire is to be a good teacher and that means putting the child first. There are times when I just don't know how to react because I want to do what is best for the child. Since I am a human too, I know I have made mistakes when frustration and even anger take hold. Again, the last six weeks is what I needed. Before I was only getting about 2 hours a day with a select amount of the children. Basically the same group of kids all the time. When I began working with the whole program, I was exposed to more of the children for longer amounts of time. This is when things began to click.
Will I ever get inside their heads and truly understand how they feel about things - no. I did not grow up the same way, BUT from being around them more, I have a better knowledge of where they are coming from. Just imagining myself in their shoes helps the world make a little more sense. I still struggle with my classroom management skills, but it is a work in progress. Being around the kids more led to them knowing me better. This is turn provided more respect from both parties, and things began to change for the better.
What the last six weeks really taught me is how much I take for granted. I mean, it sounds cliche' and it is. I know I take things for granted, but I just never really thought of how extremely blessed I am. I come from a stable home and a close knit extended family. My family is by no means perfect, but the Lord brought everything together and I always feel supported. Not only is my family together, but we have a nice house, a big yard, a driveway, vehicles for everyone, constant supply of food, a Bible believing church, great friends. My parents have also provided my brothers and I with a Christian education, I was able to complete 4 years at Bible college, and I got 3 education related jobs my first year out of school in this tough economy. I have always been thankful for those things, and some of that is more important than other things on the list, but how often do I really think about all of those things together. Some people do not even have one of the things on that list and some of them might be the kids I go to work with everyday. It makes me feel greedy because there are times when I desire more in life, and yet to some people, I have everything in the world. Reality has slapped me hard these last 6 weeks and I could go on longer. Instead I will end with this, my perspective is changing, and my prayer would be to be more grateful for what the Lord has given me, and be more understanding to those who struggle.
